Thanks to Paper Cuts at the NYTimes, I now have a name for my post-holiday angst, what Kingsley Amis called a “metaphysical hangover”:
…that ineffable compound of depression, sadness (these two are not the same), anxiety, self-hatred, sense of failure and fear for the future [says Amis]… You have not suffered a minor brain lesion, you are not all that bad at your job, your family and friends are not leagued in a conspiracy of barely maintained silence about what a skunk you are, you have not come at last to see life as it really is.
That “fear for the future” has been compounded in recent weeks for all of us, and after the frivolity of the past two weeks (I admit to five parties in one six-day stretch around New Year’s Day), it is time for that confounded piper to be paid.
So the Christmas lights are all down and packed away, the cupboard has been cleared of all Christmas goodies and the pantry stocked with NutriSystem and SlimFast, the poinsettias have withered away — and I am back at my desk, glad to have a job, but wishing that the paper narcissus bulbs would bloom already and give me a little burst of spring.
Cheerier posts will resume shortly. Promise.
January 5, 2009 at 1:29 pm
So that’s what it is! I’m right there with ya, sister!
January 5, 2009 at 7:38 pm
I planted paper narcissus bulbs a couple of years ago, and they were duds…all leaf, no flower.
I think you should eschew (love that word) the Nutri- and SlimFast if you’re really serious about cheerier posts. When one is operating on low-level hunger, one is, by definition, angst-ridden.
January 6, 2009 at 9:50 am
Oh, I too, love “eschew,” but I’m chewing (es- or not) precious little right now,,,
Actually, Jane, the SlimFast is pure laziness — a can and a banana make a reasonable breakfast — and the Nutrigarbage belongs to The Spouse, so I’m not planning on losing a lot of brain cells to chronic hunger. If that paragon of perfection, Mike Huckabee, can’t keep his weight loss off, who am I to try?
January 6, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Mr Amis should (or should have, since he’s dead) speak for himself! I am quite sure that I have, I am, they are, and if I haven’t I am ignoring all the evidence…
You are way ahead of me. My lights and decorations are all down, but they are littering the dining table, and I am still energetically eating my way through an over stuffed fridge (all that yummy Christmas cheese). My mother calls it “getting fat from shame”, as in it would be a shame to waste that (fill in the blank). Eventually, I hope, even for me, the traditional asceticism of January will kick in.
Like you, I am back at my desk, though mine’s temporary and I’m angling not to be thrown into the cold at the end of the month.
Nevermind! I, for one, am glad to see you back, party weary or not, and I don’t care whether you are cheerful.
I say, roll with Shelley, even if the paper whites are duds. If winter comes, can spring be far behind?
January 6, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Oh, indeed, Duchess, I’m one of those hopeless types who flings open the door on New Year’s Day and scans the horizon for signs of spring. Robins? Daffodils in the snow? ANYTHING? Instead, I have a foot (seriously ) of snow covering my outdoor furniture. Sigh…
January 6, 2009 at 3:09 pm
Not hopeless, hopeful.
January 7, 2009 at 7:34 am
I’m happy to proudly proclaim my metaphysical hangover, rather than the after holiday depression that I usually exhibit.