Archive for the 'Women' Category

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Michelle and Hillary: Salt in the wound?

November 11, 2008

imagesI remember hearing a story once when I attended a women’s conference from a woman who had been working in the secretarial pool at one of the local law enforcement agencies. She had always been handy with electronics — one of those hardy types who could fix her own toasters and TVs — and when a job came up in the motor pool working on the police radios, one of the patrolmen who knew of her talents recommended her for the job.

She left her desk in the office and spent a heavenly week in the garage, up to her elbows in electrical wiring and enjoying the challenges of a new task — and then abruptly found herself back at her desk and her typewriter. Seems the other women in the secretarial pool were so angry that she had been singled out and protested her advancement so vociferously that the chief had rewritten the job description to include a certificate in electronics, which our heroine did not have.

As she sat, bewildered, at her desk, the woman who had complained the longest and loudest sidled up to her and sweetly asked if she’d be willing to share some recipes for the office cookbook. They’d clearly pulled her back in her place, like crabs in a bucket.

I thought of this sad tale when I read about Michelle Obama’s overtures to Hillary Clinton regarding how to be First Lady. I’m not the world’s biggest Hillary fan, believe me, but, after waging a hard-fought and very nearly successful campaign to become President herself, it must have been GALLING for HC to be asked by the victor’s wife about daycare and private schools. What happened to foreign policy and economic renewal? I appreciate the fact that Michelle is more concerned about her daughters’ transition to the public eye than she is about politics, but show a little sensitivity, okay?

I’m also peeved with all the whiny Republicans and McCain operatives who are trashing Sarah Palin. Please. I agree with Nancy Nall that, all the wardrobe nonsense aside, Sarah probably knows that Africa is a continent, not a country, and that a lot of the gossipy stories are likely taken out of context in a feeble attempt to cover some well-exposed red arses. If the Straight Talk Express broke down, folks, it wasn’t because Sarah tinkered with the wiring.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, with all the gains that Americans are cheering about with this election, did the cause of women move forward at all?

Posted in Politics, The media, Women | 8 Comments »
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Lookism and the voting booth — and beyond

October 31, 2008

I promised myself I would not be upset or annoyed by any more news on the political front until after the elections, but the Associated Press neatly took care of that resolve:

Women running for top offices need to appear competent and attractive, according to a new study. For male candidates, seeming competent may be enough…

“For female candidates, it really matters if they’re perceived as competent and perceived as attractive. Those two qualities are sort of twin predictors of whether or not someone is going to be more or less likely to vote for them,” [the lead researcher] stressed.

I suspect this extends far beyond the voting booth. Not only are we less likely to vote for a woman who is perceived as “unattractive,” I bet we’re less likely to give her a leg up in any capacity. However, if a man looks like a gargoyle but spouts the right rhetoric, we’ll let him in.

And this goes beyond Sarah Palin and the flap over her Republican Party-financed makeover. A respondent to Morgan Felchner’s article in U.S. News and World Report suggested that, had Hillary been younger and more attractive, she’d be the one leading the ticket. Are you kidding me?

As a woman who never did get invited to the prom, literally or figuratively, I am really, really weary of this. First it was lookism, then sexism and now ageism. I can’t ever win. I had always hoped that, with experience, my net worth and my sense of self would grow, but it seems to keep eroding. The message seems to be that, for women, competence alone just isn’t enough.

Posted in Personal, Politics, Women | 9 Comments »
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Lauren Hutton

October 23, 2008

This is my current source of inspiration, shamelessly stolen from The Sartorialist, a wonderful street fashion site:

Isn’t she fabulous? Completely unretouched, just as God — and a full life — made her. That I should age so honestly and so well.

Posted in Adventures at midlife, Fashion, Image, Women | 4 Comments »
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On Money: Mommyblogger meltdown

October 10, 2008

The Daily Beast, Tina Brown’s new excursion into tabloid online journalism, has an absolutely heart-wrenching collection of posts from women who have been slammed by the economic crisis. The last one, from a midlifer who calls herself The Accidental Housewife, really got to me:

The generations who survived the Great Depression were tough. They were resilient; they did not expect the government to bail them out of the hell that fell upon them…They boarded up their farms and loaded up their jalopies and headed out to find work. They did not stand around wringing their hands crying about what they didn’t have anymore they went out and worked. They were doers and savers and they made it.
My step-grandmother used to reuse her foil. She would smooth it out, wipe it off, fold it up and use it again and again until it eventually fell apart. My best friend’s grandmother would make a single chicken last through a week’s worth of meals. Each meal being different but made from that single chicken. They were resourceful. More important they MADE IT….
I am ashamed of my fellow baby boomers. I am ashamed that we have turned into such an entitled generation. I am ashamed that we have to have someone else make our morning coffee and we are too good or too busy to prepare our own dinner. That we feel entitled to drive vehicles that use more fuel in one week than a whole village in a third world country uses in a year.
So what do you say fellow boomers? Can we do it? Can we tighten our belts, knuckle down and use that knowledge that our forefathers and mothers gave us? Can we cook our own meals, repair our own roofs, make ourselves pay our own bills and not rely on the government to bail us out? I think we can. We just have to want to do it.

She captured much of my current angst. We as a generation have not been as careful as our parents. We’ve serially refinanced our homes and underfunded our retirements to pay for our lifestyles, and the payments are now due. Many boomers are spoiled and selfish and entitled, and some of us have passed those “values” on to our children. And we are all now in deep, deep kimchi.

But I am encouraged by some of the adjustments and accommodations and belt-tightening that I’m seeing around me: less driving, more brown-bag lunches, even a little more kindness and solicitude among my colleagues and neighbors. We are a well-educated generation with a lot of tools at our disposal. And one of those tools is the online communities we have built, which hold the promise of advising, supporting, sustaining and cheering us on (and up) during this bleak time.

Chins up, peeps. We’ll get through this.

Posted in Blogging, Money, Women | 7 Comments »
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Thrifting: A small act of charity for a bleak time

October 7, 2008

So you say you want to help those who have been hit hard by the economic downturn? Here’s a start: Clean out your closets. Really.

An article at cnn.com today says:

The Salvation Army and Goodwill Industries International, the nation’s two largest charitable resale organizations, report year-to-date sales increases of 6 percent to 15 percent…

“We’re seeing a lot more middle-class and upper-class customers we haven’t seen before,” [said one store manager]. “Without even asking, you can just look in the parking lot (at their cars).”

The surge in thrift store sales has its downside, though. The Salvation Army reports a dangerous decline in donations. Just as consumers are now more likely to buy secondhand goods, they are also less likely to get rid of their used clothing or furniture.

A couple of women’s organizations in my area regularly conduct clothing drives for displaced homemakers who need suits, jackets and dresses for job interviews, but those are some of the very items that consumers are holding onto:

“We rely heavily on consumer culture,” said [Salvation Army] spokeswoman Melissa Temme. “People are finding that the couch can last a little longer. The suit, while it may not be perfect for this year’s fashion, is fine.”

So, my darlings out there in the Blogosphere, I challenge you to take a few minutes this week and divest yourself of some of those jackets and skirts and coats and shoes that — admit it — just aren’t going to work anymore. In my experience, articles of clothing that are a size 12 and above are particularly welcome.

It’s just a little something, a mere mitzvah, but I guarantee it will make you feel better.

Posted in Fashion, Thrifting, Women | 2 Comments »
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Project Goodwill: Thrifting hits Washington runways

September 22, 2008

It just had to happen: As Congress and the White House grapple with solutions to the biggest financial meltdown since 1929, big-spending Washingtonians have discovered what we common folk in the hinterlands have known for years: There are bargains to be had at your nearby Goodwill. The Washington Post’s report — complete with a photo gallery — on a runway show at the French Embassy describes an event-for-our-times that, while it didn’t have Heidi Klum, was turning heads — and changing minds:

[W]ell-heeled Washingtonians were discovering that it’s still possible to look fabulous without a Wall Street severance package, a realization that’s sinking in across the country.

Goodwill has seen a 6 percent jump in sales nationwide as the economy has worsened in the past year. A recent survey of about 200 thrift stores found that more than half enjoyed sales jumps averaging 30 percent…

About 70 outfits, pulled from local Goodwill stores by Alexandria designer Tu-Anh Nguyen, were shown on the runway. Then they were returned to racks and wheeled out of the dressing rooms.

The tony crowd then descended on the racks in a scene that almost resembled bridal-gown markdown day at Filene’s Basement. Hey, ladies, settle down! There’s plenty of good stuff out there, as I have observed previously. It just requires patience and a discriminating eye.

And for some, maybe swallowing some pride. I suspect there’s going to be a lot of that in the coming days.

Posted in Adventures at midlife, Fashion, Money, Thrifting, Women | 6 Comments »
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Third World infertility: Helplessly horrified

September 16, 2008

Motherhood may be mostly behind me now, but the subject still has the power at times to make me want to weep. Newsweek has a story about the effects of childlessness on women in other countries, particularly the Third World:

“It is very, very difficult for people in the United States to deal with [infertility], and yet, when you go to other cultures, it’s even more devastating to people,” says Dr. David Adamson, president of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine and a board member of the International Federation of Fertility Societies. Worldwide, the World Health Organization says about one in 10 couples experiences difficulty conceiving a child at some point in their lives.

In some developing countries, the consequences of infertility—which can include ostracism, physical abuse and even suicide—are heartbreaking. “If you are infertile in some cultures, you are less than a dog,” says Willem Ombelet of the Genk Institute for Fertility Technology in Belgium. Women are often uneducated, so their only identity comes from being moms. “It [infertility] is an issue of profound human suffering, particularly for women,” says Marcia Inhorn, professor of anthropology and international affairs at Yale University. “It’s a human-rights issue.”

The article reports that many infertile women in poor nations are shunned and banned from gatherings where they might “spread” their “affliction,” and even if the husband is the one who is infertile, the woman usually accepts the blame — and the ostracism. And, of course, Third World women have few recourses in treating infertility, which often has life-long consequences, since elderly childless women have no one to care for them and few other resources. Says Newsweek:

In the Hindu religion, a woman without a child, particularly a son, can’t go to heaven. Sons perform death rituals. Infertile couples worry that without a child, who will mourn for them and bury them? In China and Vietnam, the traditional belief is that the souls of childless people can’t easily rest. In India, the eldest son traditionally lights the funeral pyre. In Muslim cultures, the stigma follows childless women even after death: women without children aren’t always allowed to be buried in graveyards or sacred grounds

This article reminded me of the moment years ago when I stumbled across a little story in Time Magazine that reported on the estimated tens — and maybe hundreds — of millions of “missing” women in Middle and Far East populations due to abortion, infanticide and “honor” killings. I read and reread the article to make sure I wasn’t mistaking it. It was jaw-dropping.

What does one DO with information like that? I’m tired of being helplessly horrified by what I can’t fix or help. I’ve tried to teach my sons to respect and value women. I go out of my way to empower my female friends. I speak up for myself in the face of sexism and, when I can, for women who can’t. But, in the face of such monstrous discrimination and hatred, it seems so little.

That American culture could create a climate where Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin can be taken seriously should be seen as a victory, I suppose. But maybe the status quo is still just messin’ with us.

Posted in Adventures at midlife, Parenting, Women | 3 Comments »
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It’s a good day to be a girl

September 5, 2008

On this very Friday morning, Sarah Palin is hitting the campaign trail with John McCain, Barack Obama is sending out his A-list girl-posse to blunt their efforts, and Condi Rice is the first U.S. envoy to visit Libya in more than 50 years.

We rule.

Posted in Politics, Women | 1 Comment »
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Adventures at Midlife: Still waiting for Uncle Sam?

August 21, 2008

The National Women’s Law Center just released the results of a poll indicating that “women are significantly more pessimistic than men in their attitudes about the status quo in America, both on a societal level and in terms of their own lives.”

“Women are more likely than men to feel that they are falling behind economically, and are more likely than men to be worried and concerned about their economic prospects,” the release reported. (In other words: Once again, women are MORE IN TOUCH WITH REALITY!)

The cure? “Regardless of age, income, and education, more than half of women (55%) feel that the government should do more to solve problems and help meet people’s needs.” The press release then goes on to outline an ambitious plan for closing the wage gap for women, reducing the number of uninsured women and children, expanding access to birth control, reducing the number of women at the poverty line and reforming the judiciary in favor of pro-women judges — all based on new or improved federal legislation.

Pardon me while I heave … a great sigh. Sorry, y’all, but that dog just don’t hunt no more. I’ve been waiting for more than 30 years for just the wage gap to close, and that issue has had legislation in place since 1963! I wasn’t even in the workplace then! (Corporate America has a large bag of tricks and excuses to help it slide around the issue, including making salary schedules a secret and being notoriously difficult to sue.)

I’m not against federal or state legislation on social issues, especially if the community need is dire, the status quo egregious, and the legislation well reasoned and full of teeth. It’s just that, at this stage in my life, looking down the short road at 60, I can’t wait for any government entity to make it all better.

I’m glad that my parents of The Greatest Generation have had access to Social Security and Medicare, and I have hopes of a more stable economic future for my children and grandchildren. But I think we of the gradually graying hair and creaking knees may be on our own, at least for now. Obama talks about exempting seniors from income tax if they make less than $50,000 (which wouldn’t help me), and McCain remains popular among seniors, who think he will be sympathetic to their needs. But I don’t expect either one to swoop in and rescue us. I think we’ll have to just rescue ourselves.

I’ve actually gotten pretty good at it over the years. Since starting out in the ’70s, I’ve had few mentors, and almost no women models for how I wanted to “do” my life. So I just did it. Between the demands and needs of a spouse, children, home, job, etc., I created a life. Sometimes it had baby spit, spilled Coke, tears or duct tape holding it all together, but it worked.

I expect the future to be the same. I see people who are several years ahead of me on the retirement scale making some interesting choices and adjustments. Several friends, despite protests from extended families, have sold off the old homestead in favor of smaller, more manageable digs. A neighbor couple who were having a hard time making ends meet on his government pension recently took in an elderly woman as a boarder, and it seems to be working out well for all three of them.

My husband’s colleague negotiated for a package that included several years of working part-time before retiring based on his full-time income. My elderly mother enjoyed a “senior companion” — paid for by a county agency — who would drop in a few times a week to play cards or run errands for her. We all know people who have turned hobbies into occupations, often making extensive use of the Web. Three generations of one family I’m acquainted with live in one house, taking care of each other, sharing everything and learning daily how to make it work.

These are the easier choices. Some choices are harder, such as divorcing a dear but severely disabled spouse in order for him or her to qualify for adequate Medicaid or insurance benefits, or finally cutting loose a loved one who is draining off personal and financial resources. It’s difficult, but it’s done.

I’m not certain what The Spouse and I will have to do when the time comes. I suspect making some sort of part-time income for a time will be part of the mix, as well as downsizing some plans and expectations. But I’m not looking for Uncle Sam to come rolling in on a tank anytime soon to solve my personal financial problems.

Note: This is cross-posted at MidLifeBloggers.

Posted in Adventures at midlife, Money, Women | 1 Comment »
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Faces: Being Colleen Corby — or not

August 14, 2008

Throughout my pimply and klutzy adolescence, I was desperate to be ANYONE but me. (The only person who thought I was cute was my dad. Really. Boys would cross the street to avoid being seen with me.) And most of that time, I was desperate to be Colleen Corby, the ubiquitous teen model whose image seemed to be on every other page of Seventeen Magazine (15 covers) and all the other teen publications of the time. To get an idea of how unrealistic my dream was, I didn’t look remotely like her. Not even close. (Think more Doris Day-ish, only not so pretty — or perky.)

Corby walked into the Eileen Ford Agency uninvited, looking for a summer job, and found herself booked solid for the next 20 years or so. She, as they say, would have looked good in a potato sack, with a little belt, a beret and some black Mary-Janes. I remember sighing over pictures of her all dressed up in her preppy tartans and swingy little Sixties dresses, with her shiny hair, big eyes and perfect eyebrows.

Unlike today’s supermodels, Corby (the magazines told me) lived quietly in an apartment in Manhattan (!?!) with her businessman father, stay-at-home mother and little sister, Molly, who was also a model. “Wow,” I thought. “How would I go about getting to be part of that gene pool?”

Colleen (they said) loved listening to her Andy Williams LPs, but Molly had nearly ruined him for her by playing the albums so much. OMG! I loved Andy Williams, too! We were practically best friends! (That faint noise you hear is my grown sons laughing their guts up. “Andy Williams? Albums? Geez, Mom…”)

She didn’t stay on the scene long enough to get franchised like Heidi Klum and her ilk, and her proposed film career didn’t pan out, so she retired to a quiet life of marriage and motherhood, occasionally venturing out when fans — like Oprah — want to remember her.

That memory makes me sad, and it isn’t Corby’s fault. (I also wanted to look like Audrey Hepburn. HA!) My fan-crush on her only alienated me further from myself. Why did I set myself up like that? Was there really such a dearth of acceptable role models then that I had to pick someone whose looks and lifestyle were so utterly unattainable? It would take me years, decades even, to come to an uneasy truce with myself and my looks.

I’m sometimes glad I only had sons, because I’m not sure how I would have guided a daughter through that adolescent minefield.

Posted in Fashion, Image, Personal, Women | 4 Comments »
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